🦊 Being nude in public
Some reflections in an onsen
It was a Friday morning and I met with him knowing that within a few hours we would be naked together.
That could have been the beginning of many of the dates I've had throughout my life. Although I appreciate the magical moment when a casual encounter takes on hints of sexual interest, very often I’ve arranged to meet people with the explicit intention of having sex with them – an intention sometimes defined way before we met in person through the power of horniness and nicely edited pictures.
Back when my sexual experiences were just starting, technology was the best way I found to meet people with whom I could have intimate contact. I met my first three boyfriends online, and also several other people since then. Sex, and therefore nudity, served as a catalyst for new connections.
Lately, I've come to prefer other types of initial contact. Instead of scheduling dates with the intention of ending in sex, I've been scheduling dates where purpose is to get to know other humans and explore possibilities together, depending on what I feel interested in doing with them at any given moment. Could be sex, could be playing games at an arcade, could be walking up a mountain.
My past self probably wouldn't have agreed to go to an onsen, or hot springs, without a explicitly sexual interest in the other person. Imagine getting naked and not touching someone else. My present self, on the other hand, was up for the experience of bathing in public here in Japan, so when the invitation came up, the yes came out naturally.
(Naturally, for me, means that we talked about going together and then it took me a whole month to finally set a date, but let's not talk about that, ok?)
We traveled for two hours by train to get to this onsen in a cute little town called Chichibu. The entrance is connected to the train station, next to a small food court.
Before entering the reception area, we took off our shoes and placed them in a locker. They offered slippers, but we just wore our socks. We explained to the receptionist what we wanted, received bracelets with which we could access other services, and headed up to the changing room.
On the way, we passed by some people wearing kimonos. The building had various amenities, including armchairs with individual TVs and a room with tatami mats where some children were playing. There was also a machine to rent kimonos. Apparently, some people spent good hours in that space.
We entered the changing room and took off our clothes. Before entering the hot springs, everyone needs to take a shower. That's right, we showered to take a bath, in what seems to be a very traditional way of taking baths in Japan.
To shower, we sat on a stool and used soap, shampoo, and conditioner provided on-site. We could use a showerhead or a bucket, and after we finished, we left everything clean for the next person to wash up too.
As soon as I sat down, the first thing I noticed was the rolls my belly makes when I'm sitting. I straightened my back, settled on the bench, and looked around. Nobody was looking. Everyone was busy with their own bath. A man farther away was shaving with a razor. If anyone was looking at other bodies there, nobody was reacting. We were all just men and boys taking a bath in a communal space.
After the bath, we headed to the hot springs area carrying only a small towel. It had a surprising number of uses: I saw people hiding their private parts, others drying their hands and faces between one pool and another, I even used it as a small pillow when resting my head on the stone edges and also as an eye mask when lying down on the floor.
The day was cold, about 10°C or 50°F, so the contrast between the warmth of the hot springs and the cold air created an intense feeling of relaxation. I spent most of the time in an outdoor space. There were also pools in an enclosed area and a sauna, but I couldn't spend more than a minute in those areas without getting dizzy.
By the way, the first time I stood up to get out of one of the hot spring pools, I had to stand still for about half a minute, recovering my senses. It always happens to me when I try to get out of hot tubs, I guess it's a low blood pressure moment.
I can't say how long we spent in the onsen. An hour, maybe two? There's something very relaxing about the whole experience, so much so that on the way back home I could only sleep on the train.
I enjoyed being naked with other people in an environment where nudity wasn't sexual. Nobody there got an erection, nobody stared at other bodies (at least I tried to be discreet), nobody initiated any intimate contact.
Did I think about it? I did. Especially in a pool where the water was pink and therefore nobody would see movements and touches beneath the water surface... Sometimes I was so close to my friend that I found myself imagining how a subtle touch – a gentle foot touching another – could turn that relaxing moment into a delightful invitation to flirt and feel desire.
I imagine, in fact, that many intimate encounters throughout human history have started this way.
In a way, it was very similar to when I visited a nudist beach in Barcelona. I was also on a date with no previous sexual intention and found myself taking off my clothes amidst several other people, all carrying on with their lives and enjoying the experience of nudity without the need to sexualize it.
That was in 2018, and I remember fear was a factor in how I felt in that experience.
Six years later, I'm here and the feeling is one of lightness. Perhaps because, in addition to clothes, I'm also learning to remove some fears and anxieties. And it feels so good.
With love,
Tales
I think that's the biggest thing for those nervous about nudity. Nobody is paying attention to them. Everyone is naked so no one is notable.
Remind me to tell you the story of my first visit to an onsen back in 1989 or 1990. The young Japanese man who was showing me around pressed his advantage once we were submerged in a distant pool.